Since 1999

“Your grandmother thought I already had a wife when I was with your mother.”

The edges of my lips lifted as I look out the car window, gazing at the endless stretch of oil palm trees by the roadside as I listened to my father telling this story for the umpteenth time.

The story of how my parents met has become a favourite topic during long car rides because my little sister would ask about anything and everything. From working in the same company to jogging dates, I’d say the most interesting part was how my father, the least romantic man I know, popped the question.

If you’re thinking of casual shorts and a ring, then you are absolutely wrong!

But I didn’t say that he went all out with a marquise diamond cut sitting effortlessly on a golden band, candle lights in an Italian fine-dining restaurant with a live band either.

In fact, it was more of a “Hey, let’s get married!” and a “Yeah, why not?” kind of thing. Heck, there wasn’t even a ring in the picture.

I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, but it is true.

Their journey as a wedded couple started on the 9th of September, which is a popular wedding date among the Chinese community because ‘nine’ in Chinese is pronounced as ‘jiu’, which has the same pronunciation as ‘a long time’, meaning that marriages would stand the test of time. If that’s the case, I guess you could say that my parents hit the jackpot when they tied the knot on 09/09/1999.

And yes, *drumrolls* today marks their twentieth wedding anniversary, that’s two decades in case you’re bad in math, and almost as long as I have been alive.

To be honest, I can’t help but wonder how they make it work because both of them have very different personalities, beliefs and ideas.

While my mother fancies romantic gestures, my father cares the least of them. He doesn’t buy her flowers and even forgets her birthday sometimes. He leaves tasks to the eleventh hour which drives my mother up the wall. He also buys unnecessary things like the pair of pasta tongs he intended for other reasons (an inside joke you wouldn’t want to know).

My mother gets frustrated easily when my father asks her the same thing multiple times. She nags him for eating too much mutton and how could she forget when he bought too much rice that one time. When she stores his belongings away for a neater look, it gets on his nerves because he couldn’t find his things when he needs them.

And yet, 20 years later, here they are, still going strong despite the persistent arguments about who forgot to flush the toilet and the optimal number of tissue rolls to put on one floor.

I must admit, no marriage is perfect and neither is theirs. No doubt there were times when they fought and yelled longer than usual for bigger issues, and I would be guilty of wondering if they would make it through this time.

But I have come to realise that times like these have allowed them to grow together.

Although my father forgets my mother’s birthday sometimes, he’d order pig trotter in black vinegar for her when it’s on the menu. I felt his sense of pride when he told me how much my mother’s driving and navigation skills improved over the years. When my maternal grandfather passed on, I saw my father worrying that she would have a terribly hard time

coping with the news.

Despite nagging him on an endless basis, my mother stays up when he is travelling back from work at night. I saw her worrying for him when his health condition worsens. She once told me how good he is in maximising resources and making himself useful around the house.

You see, in our home, love is a funny thing. There are no lovey-dovey languages, morning kisses, matching t-shirts or valentines’ celebrations. My parents express their love and care towards each other in ways very different from what television shows and movies usually portray, through small gestures that one might miss without being observant.

I may not have much experience in the love department (none, to be exact) but when I attended a philosophical discussion months ago and was asked about what I thought was the most crucial component in a successful relationship, not a second did I hesitate to answer: two individuals complementing each other, accepting of each other’s flaws and empowering each other to be better versions of themselves.

So, while my parents are constantly bickering like old married couples, I am thankful for the home they have built together over the years and I wish them forever bliss in their lifetime.